


how lucky i ever was to see

by thegoodyouth



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Gen, and ray's thoughts might be triggering so read with caution, gerard is also not cis, there's a mention of misgendering, this is a lot shorter than i intended but i think i like it better this way, this is all about friendship!!!!, trans boy!ray
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-06
Updated: 2016-01-06
Packaged: 2018-05-12 05:17:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5653795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegoodyouth/pseuds/thegoodyouth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ray wishes things were easier, but maybe it's not so bad when you have people who are willing to try.</p>
            </blockquote>





	how lucky i ever was to see

**Author's Note:**

  * For [transtrender](https://archiveofourown.org/users/transtrender/gifts).



> Title is from Two Coffins by Against Me!
> 
> This is for the lovely Veo, who is wonderful and I love them very much a lot :~)
> 
> While we're here, I would also like to remind you that Ray Toro is Puerto Rican *insert peace sign*

The mirror was cracked in all the wrong places, allowing only a distorted image to reflect back. It didn't keep Ray from staring at the stranger that locked eyes with him; every time he realised the massive difference between who he was and who he looked like was enough to get his chest tight - and that in itself made him uncomfortable. It didn't always send him into a frenzy, but it was a close call.

"I'm Ray," he said out loud, trying to break the silence that was ringing in his ears, louder than the quiet had any right to. As someone who was smiling all the time, it was rather difficult to deal with everything he was feeling - something that had been set off by an accidental case of misgendering from his mother. The worst part was probably the lack of reaction from the rest of the family, as if no one had even noticed.

The screaming inside his head never stopped.

There was a sound of a slight rustling by the door, causing his head to snap up, suddenly afraid of what anyone would have to say to him after he'd run off without an explanation.

His mother was standing in his bedroom door and staring at him with pity in her eyes and he couldn’t deal with it, not right then, so instead he just balled his hands into fists and turned his face to stare at the mirror again. “What?” Instead of answering, she came closer and put her hands on his shoulders, chin resting lightly on his head. She stared at the mirror that was now reflecting them both - Ray with a terrified and confused expression on his face, while his mother’s face was more pensive.

“I’m sorry, honey,” she finally whispered.

He knew she was trying, and honestly, she was a lot better than she had been even just a few months ago when he’d finally worked up the courage to come out; he hadn’t made a huge thing out of it, but instead, he had written a letter and asked his mother to read it to his father and brothers when he wasn’t around.

There had been a lot of questions when he came back, and the months that followed were some of the worst he had ever lived, as the Toros were intent on trying to convince him otherwise of his gender.

Then, about a week ago, it finally came to a stop. Ray still had no clue what caused the sudden acceptance, but he wasn’t about to poke holes in the wobbly tranquility that was currently shrouding the house by asking further questions.

“You are perfect just the way you are and I love you so much,” she kissed the top of his head, smiling when she saw his lips twitch upwards. He knew it wasn’t fixed, and he knew there would be plenty of mistakes in the future, but his mother was willing to try and that meant the world to him.

\--

There was a lot that had been bothering him recently, but Ray hadn’t managed to detail it out loud to create some sort of mental list, that he could then try to tick them off of. At seventeen, Ray Toro wasn’t as neurotic as most people would expect; his anxiety was only ever readable in the tiny twitches and tremors from his hands that followed him no matter where he went.

More often than not, his hands were busy pulling his shirt down and attempting to help him breathe easy.

“Ray, you’ll be late for school,” his mother’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts, his heavy curls bouncing cheerily in his face as he looked up.

She was looking at him with worry etched into her skin, and he was wondering if that had anything to do with the other night. No one else in the family had even tried to approach him and ask him if he was okay - he kept trying to tell himself that that had more to do with them not knowing what to say than the very daunting fact that they simply did not care.

“I’ll see you later, Mom,” he smiled at her, allowing some of the worry to seep out of her pores at just a twitch of his lips. He wished it could be that easy for him.

It had never been easy for him, not even when he had thought being uncomfortable in your skin and flinching every time someone referred to you in a specific way or with the wrong name was something experienced by every single human being on the planet.

\--

It was a lot easier at school; not because everyone was miraculously accepting, but simply because no one had ever really noticed him, except for his best friend and his brother. Apart from that, even the teachers had started up a habit of wordlessly gazing at him and skipping his name during roll call. It certainly caused something to ache deep inside of him, but he had learned to ignore it and figured it could be a lot worse.

“Hey, Gee,” he smiled, as his friend walked up to him and waved in attempt to grab Ray’s attention. Gerard’s younger brother, Mikey, was right behind him, uniting them as a trio of misfits.

“I brought freshly made cookies today,” Gerard grinned, clearly pleased with himself.

The mention of the simple delicacies made Ray’s spirits instantly jump, something the brothers clearly noticed as they exchanged amused looks and sat down across from him. They still had an hour before lunch was over.

“What? Your mom makes the best cookies, you know that,” he whined, but he was grinning just as wildly as his best friend; Mikey’s smile was a bit more reserved, but after knowing him for so long, he could see the tell-tale signs of a very happy Mikey Way.

This, right here, it was good; Ray knew it was. He had talked about being trans at length with Gerard, and it was something that had only brought them closer. The other boy had a lot of ideas on the subject, and while he still hadn’t figured himself out, he had helped Ray in so many ways by being there for him; he was hoping to one day pay that favour back in kind.

Nothing was difficult when it was like this, and he needed to remember this moment for the next time things got bad - bottle the happiness up and let it fly when it was needed most.


End file.
